The tools have evolved. The workflow has evolved. The role of the frontier AI researcher has... devolved. Starting at five bananas per day.
“It takes a lot of energy to train a human. It takes like 20 years of life and all of the food you eat during that time before you get smart.”
— Sam Altman, CEO of OpenAI
For decades, frontier AI research required deep specialization. You recruited PhDs who spent years mastering the mathematical foundations of the field.
The hiring pipeline was long. The compensation was astronomical. The interview process involved whiteboards, and occasionally, dignity.
And it worked brilliantly — for a time.
The modern AI development workflow has made certain traditional qualifications... optional.
Today's cutting-edge development increasingly involves pressing Tab.
We asked a simple question:
Every member of our talent roster has been individually assessed for vibe alignment, technical aptitude, and willingness to accept compensation in fruit.
Senior Vibe Engineer
Specializes in rapid prototyping. Mass-merged 847 PRs this quarter, none of which were reviewed. Brings an unparalleled sense of urgency to every deploy.
Principal Prompt Whisperer
Former banana logistics specialist turned full-stack vibe coder. Deploys to prod on Fridays with zero hesitation and zero rollback plan. Remarkably productive between 3–5 AM.
Staff Vibe Architect
Fluent in cursor tab-complete. Prefers trunk-based development because branches are for sleeping. Strong opinions, loosely held. Mostly about bananas.
Distinguished Vibe Fellow
PhD in Banana Peeling (honorary). Ships features at 3 AM because that’s when the bananas arrive. Publications: 0. Deployments: 415. Peer-reviewed by neither peer nor human.
Head of Research
Once stared at a whiteboard for six hours. We were so impressed we gave him a title and a budget. Has since transitioned to a prompt-first research methodology with promising early results.
Our proprietary four-step pipeline has a 3% accept rate. Candidates who don't make the cut are shipped to Neuralink.
Every candidate is evaluated for high openness-to-experience, quick reaction times, and an innate comfort with ambiguity. We do not compromise on vibe quality.
Each monkey undergoes a 72-hour vibe calibration where they are evaluated on cursor speed, tab-acceptance rate, and general willingness to ship.
Monkeys are trained on a proprietary curriculum combining modern AI-assisted development tools with a banana-based incentive structure.
Graduates receive a Certified Vibe Monkey (CVM) credential, recognized by our internal accreditation board, which we also founded.
PRs merged this quarter
Copilot suggestion acceptance rate
million years of primate vibing
bananas per day, average cost
HR complaints filed
Theorem 1 (Vibe Coding Equivalence).
Let H be a human engineer and M be a Vibe Monkey, both equipped with access to a frontier AI coding assistant. Let P(ship) denote the probability of shipping code to production within one business day. Then:
Proof: Omitted for brevity. Available upon request. ◼
*Pending. Under review at a journal we decline to name at this time.
No hidden fees. No equity negotiations. Just bananas.
Best for pre-revenue teams
Best for Series A+ companies
Best for frontier AI labs
Don't just take our word for it. Hear from the companies that made the switch.
“We replaced our entire platform team with three Vibe Monkeys. Velocity is up 400%. Nobody knows what the code does, but it ships.”
VP of Engineering
Stealth AI Startup
“Honestly, the monkeys participate in standups about as much as our previous engineers did.”
CTO
Series C Startup
“Our Vibe Monkey deployed a model to production that scored higher on MMLU than our last three hires. We have questions, but also, we have results.”
Head of AI
Fortune 500
“The onboarding process was incredible. Most new hires take weeks to ramp up. The monkey was mass-approving PRs within minutes.”
Engineering Manager (Former)
Frontier AI Lab
The firms shaping the future of primate-driven engineering.
“We've invested in a lot of AI companies. This is the first one where the entire engineering team can be motivated with a single bunch of Cavendish bananas. The unit economics are extraordinary.”
Managing Partner
Canopy Ventures
Everything you need to know about hiring a Vibe Monkey.
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